I went to back to work on Monday. I intended to have a good week, and take it easy. But I felt a little pushed to confirm whether I was going to be part time or full time, so committed to full time, but I know that affected my psychology. The whole week wasnt as positive as I had hoped it would be.
Monday was ok, but I felt tired by 5pm. I can fortunately focus and concentrate which is a huge bonus, but my job is a barrage of interruptions, so the lack of focus has always been there.
Tuesday I worked from home to go get an intratympanic steroid injection before my Wednesday visit at Northwestern. Working from home definitely helped; my hyperacusis gets triggered by noise in the right ear, so when theres silence it backs off and I can focus and go about my business as if habituated (though I am not habituated).
Wednesday I went to Northwestern. Basic outcome was:
- Only thing I havent done is consider hyperbaric oxygen chamber, but will most likely be a waste of money.
- Cause of current condition unknown, though Menieres disease is the top candidate.
- Will I get my hearing back? Most likely not.
- Next steps – learn to live with the tinnitus (doctor had little interest in the hyperacusis), and come back in a year.
The doctor mid sentence opened the door and walked off. I sat their for 5 minutes expecting him to return, only to realize he had gone. That was it, consultation over.
I immediately came out of this meeting a little deflated, and had a barrage of emails from HR. I did whatever I was asked and got back to work. I actually worked till 6pm, and had been up and down mentally and emotionally.
Thursday I woke up to my tinnitus being very high and my hyperacusis as high; probably started at an 8. By 10am I was at 10 for both, and that was my life for the whole day. I developed the shakes mid-afternoon which was odd, because I ate food and was taking in calories. I am unsure whether this was a function of being at 10 for so long or not. I couldnt wait to find some silence. That night I did fall asleep reasonably quickly, but I had a very bad nights sleep.
Friday, yesterday, was my worst day so far. I woke up to high numbers on the T and H, and red lined again pretty quickly for the rest of the day. I realize in two days, it will be my one month anniversary of my event, so it is still very early. I am trying to look at that positively, even though if truth be told it feels like six months have passed.
I will spend the weekend decompressing and planning on how to make next week better. The key is to get back up, learn from mistakes, and keep moving forward.
Tinnitus 